Pseudo-Taxi

I was driving my car down Avon Street in Belmont, giving a taxi ride to some guy sitting in the back seat on the right. We're listening to the radio, and a Widespread Panic song comes on. I pull over to the side of the road and stop behind a parked car. Somehow I am now on the passenger side. I put my feet up on the dash and lean back as Widespread Panic starts to sing, "I've done so many bong hits/that I can't move."

"I love this song," says the guy in the back, "it was practically the anthem of the 70s."

"It might as well have been my anthem of the 70s," I reply, "considering how I acted in the 70s." I pause for a bit before speaking again, "Not that I want to go back to the 70s."

Owen and the Ambulance

I was driving an ambulance. My partner was Owen Wilson. It was icy out from a recent snowstorm and we skid out of control and crashed driving onto the top level of a parking garage. Owen and I stumble out of the ambulance, trying to get away from the cops who are chasing us.

We run down the parking garage, dodging ice and having a fascinating intellectual conversation (part of which is unintelligible to me). After doing this for some time we are still on the top level. Owen (who is now John Schuck, in his role as Capt. "Painless" Waldowski from MASH, complete with a cigar) finds an old car hood, and rides down and around the slope of the parking garage on it like a sled. Unfortunately the recent earthquake turned the garage into something out of an Escher print. We he gets out of sight there is a bang and a yelp, and he pops back up in the air and lands right in front of me.

We walk down and get to the dark overhang of the next level, looking very much like a cave. We hesitate before sneaking into the darkness. Creeping around the corner, we find the cop who had been chasing us. His leg is injured such that he is standing up but he can't move. We walk past him and he orders us to stop. My partner (back to being Owen Wilson) keeps walking. The cop keeps saying "Don't move, Blue!" Owen is wearing a red motorcycle outfit, so the cop must mean me, but I'm not moving.

Owen is walking carefully sideways along the edge. All of a sudden he jumps for it. I walk over to the edge and look down. The back of his head is totally caved in, but he is still alive, mumbling apologies.

Teleporting Kobold

I was playing live action Dungeons & Dragons with some friends, and I was the dungeon master. So I come up with a plan where a tribe of kobolds will put all of the children in the town to sleep and kidnap them.

Keep in mind that from this point on, I am a kobold.

We (the kobolds) shoot our sleep-poisoned arrows way up into the air from Concord Dr. I run around the back of the house I grew up in, past one of the children and on to the one I am supposed to kidnap. This is really disturbing because the children are all dead. They all have arrows sticking out of them as if they came straight down out of the sky. The kids are standing up, held up somehow by the arrows, but with dead, zombie-like expressions, and red splotches of blood covering them like the spots on a cow.

But not wanting to let incredibly distubing imagery get in the way of a good plan, I grab the kid and run toward the other end of the back yard, where the player characters are hanging out. This may not seem like the brightest thing for a dead-child-kidnapping kobold to do, but I still have to steal the bicycle part, which is near the rickety and rusted jungle gym we used to have. I am quickly spotted by the frisbee playing swords and sorcery characters, and pursued at high speed out into the street.

Seeing as I can somehow run about 40 mph as a child and bicycle part laden anthropomorphic lizard, I quickly out pace them. Behind me I can hear the cleric (an older woman I don't know) yelling a spell at me. As the sound chases me down the street I realize she is casting teleport hold on, because she knows that kobolds can dimension door. [Note for those who do not play D&D: kobolds cannot dimension door.]

I manage to outpace the sound of her spell, but keep running until the duration wears off so that I can use the dimension door to teleport the hell out of there. I manage to do so, ending up in Belmont near the intersection of Boling Ave and Monticello. I teleport onto the shoulder of the road, and I am almost immediately run off the road by a large truck. It is a truck for a shipping company whose name I can only read because I studied Russian in college and therefore know the Cyrillic alphabet.

Then I woke up. It was about three in the morning and I had to take a piss.