Teleporting Kobold

I was playing live action Dungeons & Dragons with some friends, and I was the dungeon master. So I come up with a plan where a tribe of kobolds will put all of the children in the town to sleep and kidnap them.

Keep in mind that from this point on, I am a kobold.

We (the kobolds) shoot our sleep-poisoned arrows way up into the air from Concord Dr. I run around the back of the house I grew up in, past one of the children and on to the one I am supposed to kidnap. This is really disturbing because the children are all dead. They all have arrows sticking out of them as if they came straight down out of the sky. The kids are standing up, held up somehow by the arrows, but with dead, zombie-like expressions, and red splotches of blood covering them like the spots on a cow.

But not wanting to let incredibly distubing imagery get in the way of a good plan, I grab the kid and run toward the other end of the back yard, where the player characters are hanging out. This may not seem like the brightest thing for a dead-child-kidnapping kobold to do, but I still have to steal the bicycle part, which is near the rickety and rusted jungle gym we used to have. I am quickly spotted by the frisbee playing swords and sorcery characters, and pursued at high speed out into the street.

Seeing as I can somehow run about 40 mph as a child and bicycle part laden anthropomorphic lizard, I quickly out pace them. Behind me I can hear the cleric (an older woman I don't know) yelling a spell at me. As the sound chases me down the street I realize she is casting teleport hold on, because she knows that kobolds can dimension door. [Note for those who do not play D&D: kobolds cannot dimension door.]

I manage to outpace the sound of her spell, but keep running until the duration wears off so that I can use the dimension door to teleport the hell out of there. I manage to do so, ending up in Belmont near the intersection of Boling Ave and Monticello. I teleport onto the shoulder of the road, and I am almost immediately run off the road by a large truck. It is a truck for a shipping company whose name I can only read because I studied Russian in college and therefore know the Cyrillic alphabet.

Then I woke up. It was about three in the morning and I had to take a piss.